The holidays are finally upon us!
First, I want to wish everyone who follows me and Motivated to Marry®, a joyous and safe Thanksgiving holiday with your family and friends. I hope you are with people who care about you.
This festive season brings joy, connection, and—for couples in new relationships—opportunities for growth. If you’re navigating these uncharted waters with a new partner this holiday season, having open, honest relationship conversations is crucial. These discussions can help you align expectations, avoid misunderstandings, and strengthen your connection.
Holidays often come with their own traditions, expectations, and stressors. Having these conversations early can set the tone for a harmonious season, especially if your relationship is getting serious.
Why Relationship Conversations Are Crucial During the Holidays
When it comes to the holidays, everyone has their own preferences and traditions. Some people love big family gatherings, while others prefer quiet celebrations or even solo time. Asking questions like, “How do you typically like to spend the holidays?” is a good open-ended question for you to ask. Then, just listen to the answer.
For example, is family a key part of your partner’s life? Do they fly cross-country every year to be with loved ones? Would they expect you, as their partner, to join them in the future? Understanding these dynamics early on will help you decide how to approach the holidays together.
Meeting the Family: Is It the Right Time?
One of the biggest questions for new couples is whether to spend the holidays together—and, if so, whether to meet each other’s families. Meeting the family is a significant step in any relationship, and timing is everything. Introducing a new partner to your family can feel overwhelming or even premature for some people.
If you’re unsure, consider alternatives. For instance, instead of attending a big family Thanksgiving dinner, you could spend the day separately and meet up afterward to share leftovers. This approach keeps things casual while giving you time to bond. This option works particularly well for introverted partners who may feel uneasy in large group settings.
One of my clients chose not to introduce his girlfriend to his parents until he was confident in the relationship’s future. This thoughtful decision ensured that everyone felt comfortable and respected.
Navigating Holiday Logistics and Traditions
Holidays can also bring logistical challenges. Questions like, “Where will we spend the holidays?” or “Whose family should we visit?” are common sources of conflict and important relationship conversations to have now. In my first marriage, we alternated holidays: Thanksgiving with my family in New York and Christmas with his family in Ohio. While this plan worked, it often involved braving snowstorms or enduring long car rides.
In my current marriage, we made a different choice. Before our son was born, we visited family in New York. Now, we host the holidays in Washington, D.C., and invite family members to visit us. This shift reflects our current priorities as a family, a reminder that flexibility and communication are key to navigating these decisions.
Hosting your own holiday gathering is another topic to discuss. If you’re dating exclusively and have been together for over a year, it might be the right time to host a Thanksgiving or holiday meal as a couple. Ask yourself and your partner: Are you ready to share this responsibility?
I prefer relaxing holidays, especially Thanksgiving, to be at home or at a local restaurant! That way I don’t end up doing most of the work (cooking, decorating, setting the table, serving, and even cleaning!) If you’re a hard-working woman like me, it’s nice to just sit back and enjoy the meal with your family and friends. Then there are those men and women who love to host and want to create a cozy family gathering for the holidays. Discussing preferences like these will help you to make sure you’re both on the same page, both now and for your future celebrations.
Aligning Holiday Expectations: What Matters Most?
The holidays aren’t just about logistics—they’re also about aligning values. When you ask your partner how they prefer to spend the holidays, pay attention to their response. Do their actions align with their words? For example, a partner who claims family is important but avoids making plans to visit them might have deeper concerns or unresolved issues.
Notice the values that surface during these conversations. Are they similar to yours? If not, how might you compromise? The way you navigate these differences can set the tone for your relationship moving forward.
Practical Tips for Holiday Conversations
Starting these conversations may feel awkward, but asking the right questions can make it easier. Here are some examples to guide you:
- “What are your favorite holiday traditions?”
- “How do you usually spend Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/New Year?”
- “What’s most important to you during the holidays?”
- “How do you feel about meeting each other’s families this year?”
Remember to listen carefully to your partner’s answers and ask follow-up questions to deepen the conversation. Clear communication now can prevent future misunderstandings and foster a stronger connection.
What Relationship Conversations Will You Have This Holiday Season?
As the holidays approach, think about the conversations you need to have with your partner. Are you aligned on how to spend this festive time? What relationship issues might arise from differing expectations?
And if you need some help navigating through the early stages of a new relationship, let’s talk! Helping couples align their relationship visions towards a common one is my specialty! I even provide premarital couples coaching.
My proverbial door is always open. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday season!