Can you Flirt?

Flirting is an art so I have been told.  For some people it comes naturally and for others it is like speaking Mandarin as if it is a foreign language!

My best friend says I am a flirt and that I should teach flirting!  Really?  I don’t consider that I am flirting expert and I am not conscious that I do it.  I guess it does come naturally for me!

For dating, what is important about flirting?  And why flirt?

Flirting is a way to initiate contact, show interest, and help someone feel its okay to open up.  It’s a way to get a conversation going.  It also shows playfulness which most people like in a mate. Who doesn’t like it when someone shows an interest in them?

Some people will respond positively and some will not since you may not be their cup of tea.  So you need to not be attached to the outcome if you try this.  Think of the motto, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained!”

So I decided to dissect what I do instinctively.

  1. Be relaxed and comfortable in your environment.  Make sure you are not stiff or anxious.
  2. Don’t care about the outcome- or how you will be perceived.  You need a casual attitude about this.  It’s like going fishing – you are just putting the bait out there and seeing if your intended love interest is willing to take the bait.
  3. Show you are interested by smiling and have an open stance as your body language as opposed to your arms being crossed, having a closed stance and appearing not really interested in the person you are attempting to flirt with.
  4. Look that person directly in the eyes when talking to him or her.
  5. Talk to the person as if you know them already.
  6. If you are really bold, make a sincere compliment about them.  If it’s sincere, it won’t come off corny!
  7. Lean into the person and even touch them on the side of their arm briefly.
  8. Keep the banter light and fun!

You can experiment with flirting at your next singles’ social event.  Whenever you flirt, make sure your intended is unattached.

By the way, I don’t recommend flirting with people who are total strangers or no one you know seems to know anything about this person.  My whole Motivated to Marry premise is to choose people that are available for a relationship.  I think it best to flirt with people that you know you have common interests and life goals. Flirting works best in social and activity groups for singles, single’s travel groups and events that are intended for single people.

I do not propose picking up people at bars, grocery stores, gas stations or even Starbucks.  They may not really be available (or even married) and you may be asking for trouble

So at your next Meetup or social event, give flirting a try.  It may take some practice.  Have fun with it!



Coach Amy


PS.  If you want to learn my “7 Secrets to Finding a Motivated to Marry Mate” sign up for my upcoming FREE teleclass for May 22nd at 9 pm EST at  Even if you can’t make it, sign up anyway so you can get the audio replay and the handouts.

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One comment on “Can you Flirt?
  1. K.C. Gagne says:

    Ha! Now you’re speaking my language! 😉

    I’ve been told that I flirt with *everyone*. I guess I’m another “natural” because I don’t even realize it when I’m doing it. (And I’ve gotten myself in trouble in the process.)

    I enjoy flirting. (Especially when I know I’m doing it.) It’s all about being confident and having fun!

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