Dating online requires both a sense of adventure as well as a good warning detection system! Everyone has bad dating experiences, but especially online, it’s important to pay attention to your inner guidance system when it’s telling you to be careful who you date.
And yet, dating still needs to be fun. The whole purpose of dating is to meet and evaluate someone to see if they are actually a good match for you. As the saying goes- “You have to date a lot of frogs before you find your prince”! (Kissing may or may not happen!)
Of course, there are those who routinely dismiss potential partners too soon and never seem to find anyone suitable to date. Dating is a fine balancing act where you should be having fun, and trying new things, while also being careful and keeping yourself safe from harm.
What if you could save yourself time and agony and take a shortcut by eliminating quickly who would not be a good match? What if you better understood your own criteria in making these decisions?
Curious? If so, here are my 7 critical steps for getting love right while being careful who you date:
Life Goals
Are your life goals aligned and do you want the same things? If you want to have children, then you need to find out if your candidate wants to have children as well (or more children if they’re already a parent). Does the person want the same end result from dating? Does your date want to find a marriage partner or are they happy just to date with no real purpose? Does this match up with your true desires?
Knowing your own life goals and knowing how to look for them in a potential partner is an essential first step! Make sure you’re careful who you date by vetting your date’s true goals. You don’t want to get pulled in by someone who just “yes”s you and has no real intention of following through on their promises.Relationship Values
Do your relationship values line up? Values have to do what’s truly important to you, those things that matter most.
For instance, if being there for family is important to you, and the person you’re dating resents the time you spend with your kids or parents, then that will be a disconnect. So part of dating better is fine-tuning those values that really matter to you so you can quickly assess if they matter to your partner as well. You have to be on the same page or it’s not going to work in the long run, no matter how attracted you are to one another!Likes and Dislikes
For a relationship to go the distance, you need to have some interests and things in common.
If you desire to live in the country, then it’s no good for you to date a city dweller. If you enjoy music and dancing, then being with someone who balks at going to concerts or won’t get their butt out of the chair to dance, won’t cut it. If you love your dog and your partner doesn’t like pets, especially animals who sleep in the bed, then that will cause a rift in your relationship.
Take time to understand your own preferences and try to check for these in your dates before giving your heart away.Chemistry
What really is chemistry? Simply, it’s a physical attraction. You are drawn to someone. Chemistry is so important for a good relationship. So why then is this step #4 and not #1? Because, while this is important for a relationship to “click”, if you’re not careful, attraction can lead you down the wrong path.
You can’t rely solely on chemistry to determine if someone is a good partner. Chemistry is the icing on the cake. And chemistry can develop in a relationship when everything else lines up. So if the goals and values are there, maybe give the nice person a chance. As you get to know them better the chemistry may grow into something even deeper than instant attraction.Respecting Boundaries
When you’re in the courting process, it’s important to respect one another’s needs and set proper boundaries. For instance, is your potential partner texting you too many times during the day? If you have a job where you need to focus and can’t be tied to your phone, then sharing the best times to connect during the day is critical. And if your potential partner won’t respect this, then it’s a warning sign.
On the other hand, if you want a potential partner to be more responsive and get back to you quickly, it’s important to communicate this expectation as well. Not hearing from someone in a week’s time is not cool. You shouldn’t have to accept unresponsive behavior.
Someone who doesn’t respect boundaries that are important or essential to you is a red flag. Be careful who you date!Relationship Momentum
With dating, having compatible timing and expectations for moving forward to exclusivity, or perhaps a greater commitment, is important. You don’t want to be dragged along in a relationship that’s going nowhere. I’ve seen too many broken hearts from staying in a relationship, hoping it would go the distance, only to find out months, or even years later, that their partner had different intentions.
Many of my clients are exclusive within 3 to 6 dates! They know who they are looking for and how to recognize a person with similar ideals for a happy relationship. They’ve learned how to assess if a candidate has the same sense of timing and knows what they want in a partner as well.Perseverance
Do they have the skill and ability to work through the tough stuff? How a couple handles early rough patches, is telling about how they will work out things when they have bigger tough times in the future. It’s important to find out sooner than later how they handle disagreements or when things don’t go their way.
Someone who understands give and take, and who can listen to your concerns and acknowledge your feelings, is a keeper. Having these relationship skills is a real plus and will give you a better chance of having what it takes to go the distance in a relationship.
It’s okay to be careful who you date!
This is your future. By following this dating process, you will be closer to correctly assessing a potential partner based on the criteria that are best for you. This is essential to get love right!
I support my clients in their search for the right partner by helping them to better narrow down their criteria on these items and to quickly assess their dates in these areas as well.
How would it feel to have a supportive, loving partner in your life by the year’s end. It’s totally possible. Let’s get you on the right path to finding true love!
I’m always open to talk and learn about your relationship goals. Just reach out!