An interesting question came from a client this week. She was at a 30’s and 40’s singles happy hour event put on by a local social group. She met a cute guy and had an engaging conversation with him. He asked her for her number and said he would like to “hang out”. She had to think about it.
Being a Motivated to Marry gal in her 40’s, she told him she was looking for a serious relationship and “no thank you”. On the one hand, I applauded her directness and stead fast sense of purpose. She is dating for the purpose of meeting a marriage partner. So shouldn’t he have asked her for a date if he was truly motivated to marry himself?
On the other hand, if she did say, “Sure, let’s hang out”, what could this opportunity open up for her? She would perhaps get to know him on a more low key basis and to see if there is even anything there. Then he would be able to learn more about what he is looking for in life. And if he does make the moves on her, then that’s the time to talk about goals and that you are looking for a serious relationship. Because of chemistry, sometimes we jump in too quickly without knowing if someone is a good fit for us.
Now my client did share with me that he was asking other women for their phone numbers in front of her. And that he is a 39 year old professional.
It looks like this guy is maximizing his opportunity to meet women and get to know them. You can’t blame a guy for shopping. You do have to spend time with people to see if they are the one for keeps. Not everyone operates on the love at first site principle or is looking for a serious relationship!
I would recommend that you get some clarification. When he said, “Let’s hang out”, then you could reply, “Perhaps. What do you have in mind?” Then you could see what he was really thinking.
Or perhaps he’s a connector and likes to get groups of people together. Then she would be invited to a party with other people in her age group. Also she would get a chance to meet others in his network of friends and even meet some of his male friends. And just maybe, one of them is attractive and looking for a serious relationship too!
I had a male client who was dating for a serious relationship leading to marriage. He had game night parties at his home which made it easy for him to ask for women’s phone numbers in a non threatening way. He also saw this as a way to get to know women better and access their interest in him before going out on a limb and asking them out on a date.
Still, my client could have given him her phone number and he may never follow up. So this whole exercise would be for naught! You really see people’s real intention by the follow up.
So let me ask you, are you cutting your options before they come to fruition?
What would you do if a guy asked you, (or a gal asked you), “let’s hang out?”.
Interesting times we live in. There are so many ways this scenario could play out.
My recommendations when dating for a serious relationship are to be open, get a clearer picture of the actual situation and also stay true to your particular goals.