The New Year is upon us. It’s time for a new beginning, turning over a new leaf, and for renewing our hope of finding love this year.  Now is the time to think about how you want the coming year to be for you. You get to create what is possible for you. Here are some relationship questions and suggestions to get you thinking about what you want to attract into your life this year.

1. How would you envision your life to look like a year from now? What values and characteristics do you want your romantic partner to have?

Here I am asking you to close your eyes and see your life a year from now. If you see it, then you can work toward your vision. Once you have visualized what you want, it’s important to make it real by creating a picture of it or putting together a collage of what you want your life to look like and what qualities you want your romantic partner to embody.

For instance, when I was single, I made a picture (a very primitive one!) of a male and female stick figure dancing and skiing. This is my representation of what my boyfriend (eventual husband) and I would be doing. It turns out even though my husband didn’t really dance or ski, he was willing to learn! So my vision did turn into reality after all.

2.    What are your dating or relationship goals for next year? (3 months/ 6 months/ 1 year)

Goals need to be written down to make them attainable. I suggest you post your goals at a place you see at least once a day. I post my goals on the bathroom mirror. For instance, an example of goals written down is “in 3 months time I will be dating someone steadily, lose 10 pounds and work as a volunteer once a month”. Some of my clients put their goals on their computer- or in their Blackberry.

3.    What would support you in achieving your dating and relationship goals for next year?

For instance, would losing weight or having a makeover support you in feeling better about yourself so you would be more confident about going out and dating? Perhaps better time management would give you more time in your day to look for someone and for going out on dates. Taking up a new sport can put you in touch with new people to date. Last, by working with a coach or a therapist, you can get the support and encouragement you may need from an impartial person to take action.

4.    What one or two things will you try that you haven’t yet tried in order to meet new people to date?

I recommend going to my website in the Resources page to see what singles groups are in the major cities that you may want to check out. Also, you can Google “singles groups” in your particular local. Find something that you haven’t tried before where you will feel comfortable. For instance, if you are not athletic, then I don’t recommend you going to a sports oriented group. You may feel awkward there. Also, see my article, “Where to Find Your Motivated to Marry® Partner” in my free page of my website to get more ideas on where to meet people for dating.  Don’t forget to try online dating since one out of 5 marriages now come from online dating efforts.

To learn more go to www.successfulinternetdatingprogram.com.

5.    Who can you enlist to help you in your search for a life partner?

There is a whole list of people who can help you: friends, family, co-workers, leaders at your synagogue or church. Also, there are matchmakers who can help people find their life partner for a hefty fee. It’s also a known fact that married women love to fix people up. So who can you approach about setting you up on a date?

Bonus relationship question: What will you commit to doing differently next year that you haven’t done this past year?

Do you need to change your attitude about dating from an uptight perspective to a more relaxed one? Are you willing to be more open and positive about dating? All this will make you more attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps you need to learn how to weed through suitors better and more quickly. And, how is your rejection tolerance? Are you willing to face your fears head on and be fearless about meeting new people to date this year? Last, give someone a second chance or a second date. You may be pleasantly surprised what’s really there.

My hope is that these questions have pushed you to think outside your box about dating and to try out a new approach or new ways to meeting people. When you take yourself outside your comfort zone and stay true to yourself, you will attract the right person to you!

Have a happy and fulfilling New Year!

Warmest Wishes,
Coach Amy

PS.  Let me know if you want some help to get jumpstarted with dating this year.  I can help you get on track and connecting with the right people.  Book a half hour Get Love Right Strategy Session to discuss both personal and group coaching options for you in the New Year.

I received an email asking me this relationship question, “I met a great guy.  We dated for a while but it didn’t work out.  Is it possible to be friends?”

My answer to this relationship question needs to take a broad approach and look at some possible variables:

1. How long did you date and were you physically involved? If you dated for a couple of months (what’s a while? weeks, months or years).  I dated a nice man and we were never physically involved.  I realized that we were not a match on many levels.  However, through the years we were able to remain friends.
2. What were the circumstances of the breakup?  Who broke up with whom?  I’m not sure what it didn’t work out means.  It does appear that you are okay with the break up or have come to terms with it.  When you are with him, can you be okay just being friends?  Or are you going to be hurting inside and be thinking, “Only if..” every time you see him.
3. What is the relationship/friendship based upon?  There is a reason you think he is still a great guy and worthy of your time and attention.  Know that the time you spend with him takes away the time you have to devote to finding a new love.  And how would a new boyfriend feel about you having a relationship with an old boyfriend?  Time will tell on this one.
4. It takes two to have a friendship.   Is he open and willing to have a friendship with you?  What are the expectations of this friendship?  Would both him and you take the responsibility of initiation of contact?  What would that look like? A weekly phone call to check and to ask, “How are you doing?” or “What are you doing this weekend?” Or the friendship requires just periodic text messages,  having you on his joke distribution email list, or as Facebook friends?
5. One of my coaches told me that it is possible to be friends after you have had about 3 relationships.  I really think once you have a new man in your life, and that this new man is okay with you having a friendship with a man you were romantically involved with in the past, then a friendship is possible provided your ex has moved on, as well.

To answer your relationship question, “Is it possible?” – of course it is!  You need to weigh the pros and cons and see if this is the right situation for both of you.  Also, check in with your body and see how right that decision feels for you.  In the end, time will tell whether a friendship can really develop.  I believe relationships are organic.  They either move forward and grow or dissipate!

Intentionally yours,

Coach Amy

PS.  If you live in the DC area and you are marriage minded, join my Meetup Group at http://budurl.com/DCMMGroup.   Meet other marriage minded singles for friendship and dating!  For those outside of the DC area, sign up on my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/marriagemindedsinglesdeclared.  Order your free red bracelet there today and declare to the world you are marriage minded!

We just got through a week of potential catastrophes in DC –first the earthquake and then hurricane Irene.   Especially if you are in a dating relationship,   was your partner there for you?  Ask yourself this relationship question: what do you need from another person in an emergency situation to feel safe and secure?

We also had bad storms this winter that led to power outages.  Our basic needs of food and shelter need to be attended to. What would you expect of your partner in times like these?  This really tests the strength of your relationship.  Can you count on this person?

In my book, “Get It Right This Time- How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship” I discuss my “Expressions of Love”.  One in particular is to be able to depend on someone in an emergency.   Actually if you have a chance to see how someone reacts in an emergency situation, (health or safety), then you are actually fortunate.

In one situation, I remember I was dating a man (not exclusively) and we were on a group ski trip together in French Quebec, Canada.  I was hoping we would get closer on this trip.  We were in a van with a dozen other people driving up the ski mountain to lodge.   Another car crossed over and came into our lane.  Our van swerved to avoid the car and ran off the road.  There was a abrupt impact and my knees were resting on the seat in front of me.  On the impact, my knees got squished.  I was in pain.

The man I had dated took it upon himself to be the one to communicate in French to the authorities and the emergency personnel.   He was not the leader of the trip.  Actually, the leader was Canadian and spoke French.  That is not what I minded.  I was sitting in the cold in need of ice for my knees.  He did not once come by and check on me.  Another guy on the trip made sure I was okay and that I got what I needed.  At that time, I realized he was not the kind of guy I could depend on in my life.  At that point, I decided NOT to date him anymore.  I actually stayed clear of him during the trip.

Ask yourself these relationship questions, “Is the person you dating the kind of person you can depend on in case of an emergency?  Are they a caring and helpful person?”   Life has many times when you have to pull together and be there for one another.

So how do you answer this relationship question: what do you need from someone to feel like they can be the kind of person you can depend on?   This curious coach would like to know.  Please leave your comments.

Intentionally yours,

Coach Amy

PS.  If you live in the DC area and you are marriage minded, join my Meetup Group at http://budurl.com/DCMMGroup.   Meet other marriage minded people for friendship and dating!   We have a meetup scheduled for this month.

What I find is critical to many of my clients is to surround themselves with like minded people who provide positive energy to their dating efforts.  Ask yourself this Relationship Question: “Who is in your support system and how do they support your dating?”

When I was single, I realized I was hanging out with a group of women who were not supporting my efforts.  They were critical and judgmental.  Also, I found out they would say negatives things about me behind my back.  I stopped hanging out with them and made a conscious effort to be with upbeat, positive, supportive people.

You may have well meaning people around and they are really not the positive, helpful influence you need.   Your parents want you to be settled and their messages to you may not always be the best for your self esteem.  I got, “you are too picky” from my grandmother!

Your friends who are also single may not be in the best place to support you.  One of my supposedly “best friends” would go after a guy she saw I was interested in at singles events.   (She did not remain my friend after that!) Your married friends are well-meaning and it may be hard to be around them and their kids.  It may have been a while since they have had to be in the dating world.  Their relationship questions to you may make you feel like you are doing something wrong.  They try to give you helpful relationship advice but it may be difficult for them to not sound patronizing.

I joined a coaching group and that was truly instrumental to me being open to dating someone like my husband.  I really enjoyed being with people who were hopeful about dating and were open to learning to date in a more constructive way.  Through the work I did in my group, I became clear about want I wanted and who would be a good partner for me.  Then when I did meet my husband, I was able to recognize someone who would make a wonderful life partner.

My answer to your relationship question is to evaluate your support system which is critical to your dating success and take the steps you need in order to be among those who will truly support you.

I have a great opportunity for you to finding a supportive group by joining my upcoming Get Love Right Tele-coaching group starting February 22nd.  For details go to www.GetLoveRight.com.

Intentionally yours,

Coach Amy

Fall is upon us, which means that the Holidays are just around the corner.  For those who are single, it can be a lonely time of year.  But it doesn’t have to be!  A tip for dating is to take the time to put a dating plan into action so that you can be successful in your quest for love.

Many of you are probably groaning to yourselves as you read this and thinking, “A dating plan?  That sounds like work!” And thus, we come to the intial phase of your dating plan, which is to decide:

1. How do I want to be perceived?
Do you want to appear confident and happy or desperate and bitter? Do you dread outlining a dating plan or do you look forward to working toward your goal?  My next tip for dating is that your attitude regarding dating and relationships WILL come across to potential suitors.  Stay positive!  You are doing this because you are choosing to make one aspect of your life better.

Another tip for dating is:

2. Start with your goals in mind.
My last tip for dating here is to start your plan at the end by determining your goal. Once you determine where you want to end up, you’ll have a much easier time figuring out how to get there. By determining the end point of your dating plan, you’ll be able to clearly and effectively outline your roadmap to love.

3. STICK WITH IT!
I often tell my clients that the dating game – when the ultimate goal is a life partner, lifelong relationship or marriage – is a marathon.  We’re not running sprints here -keep at your plan and don’t give up!  Tweak things a bit. Figure out what works and what doesn’t. And stick with it!

Intentionally,
Coach Amy

PS.  Speaking of DATING PLANS…. I am starting my 6 week Internet Dating Success Coaching Program this Thursday night.  You will create a plan and take you through the steps to either get you dating online or improve your success rate of dating online.  Go to www.attractqualitypeopletodateonline.com for details.